35 weeks

EDIT: i completely miscalculated the information on this post. my due date is actually only 33 days away! whoops.

i

today i made a chain.

39 more days to 40 weeks, people!

hopefully these next 39 days* will continue to be as positive and relaxed as the last week-and-a-half has been 

(i'm diggin the stay-at-home wife gig, bytheway).

still, i'm wondering when the JUST GET THIS A BABY OUT OF ME urge will kick in.

* i do realize that baby may take up to 42 weeks to get here, buuuuuut with some recent developments in our summer plans, it would just be a heck-of-a-lot more convenient if she came before then. i'm hoping a 40-week countdown chain will send her that message.

funny/weird

FUNNY. falling asleep on the lovesac around 7:30 pm and refusing to move and/or get up when jacob tries to take me to bed later in the evening. and so the poor guy gives up, puts on his pajamas, and just sleeps there with me. when i finally awoke and returned to my normal senses, i took him to bed.

WEIRD. that time the guy on the train (sitting right across from me) collapsed in the aisle and...oh yeah...STOPPED BREATHING. what followed? passengers attempt to resuscitate him, a nurse performs CPR, people are on the phone with 9-11, some guy asks the train host if they have defibrillators, vomiting, the train stops, the paramedics rush on board and wheel him away. I continue to sit in shock through this entire episode. I mean, when the Sunbeam falls into a freezing-cold stream at the ward campout, I know how to be heroic—but THIS? Luckily the guy ended up being ok—no thanks to my emergency-situation skills. More like WEIRD/TRAUMATIC/HORRIFYING.

FUNNY. the birth film event last weekend was very much like a bridal fair, but for pregnant ladies. there were tables and booths with vendors everywhere. at many of these tables there were free treats for the taking. on one of these tables, there was a plate with little scones and muffins. yummmm? I took one and ate it—only to realize a few minutes later that i had been eating off some other person's plate of refreshments. to my credit, i hadn't been to the refreshment table yet to see what was there. and heck. that lady had a mountain of goodies piled on that plate! really, i was doing her (and her unborn babe) a service. still, i cringe with humiliation to think she saw some strange prego-girl scarfing her food—and probably right in front of her. SHAME.

WEIRD. hoping to win the raffle drawing for the free birthing gown (you know, so I can look SUPER ADORABLE while i'm giving birth and stuff), but instead winning a free acupuncture treatment. i don't know anything about acupuncture. i don't even remember submitting tickets for the acupuncture drawing. does someone like me really need acupuncture? ACUPUNCTURE.

FUNNY. when women who work in my building tell me that they didn't know i was pregnant or that it's "not obvious." how am i supposed to take that? i think my baby would have to pop out and smack you in the face to make this any more obvious.

WEIRD. learning what some of the drugs that they use on laboring women are actually made out of. apparently, cervidil is made from pig semen and pitocin is merely cow oxytocin. But are they free range cows? And it's local? this vid never gets old.

FUNNY/WEIRD. my belly button is all but gone. jacob really enjoys this. i'm still coming to terms with it.

FUNNY/WEIRD? this pic:

i think i stole this tee from my little brother forever ago. i have a thing for black + metallic gold and looking like a thug. hope he doesn't mind that it's now a part of my maternity wardrobe.

33 weeks

I think this baby is getting bigger by the minute.

I don't know how fashion bloggers do this—have their husbands take pictures of them all the time. At least for me, it's really uncomfortable. I also have a REALLY HUGE belly sooo... maybe if I were hott and had a closet full of J. Crew it would be cake. Mmmm... cake.

I never realize how big I am until I see these photos, and it's always a shock to my brain. Considering the fact that our bathroom mirror is too tall for me to even see my belly (maybe if I'm standing on my tip-toes) and I only glance at a full-length mirror to make sure my clothes match before running out the door at 6 in the morning—I'm basically the opposite of those little, yappy, wannabe-tuff dogs that don't know how tiny they are. I'm just the pregnant mama who doesn't know how HUGE she is, which is probably why I've been bumping my belly into a lot of things/people/furniture lately. Sorry baby...

Anything new?

Jacob and I finished our hypnobirthing class, and I am honestly going to miss it. I wish I could keep going every week until the baby comes. I always learn something new and leave feeling uplifted and confident. It was also fun seeing and hanging out with the same group of expecting couples for the last 5 weeks.

A part of the hypnobirthing curriculum is listening to a 15-minute track of "positive affirmations" at least once every day. Sounds kinda weird. It was at first. But now I love it. I have to admit, listening to countless positive statements about your pregnancy and body + visualizing things going well just makes you feel good inside. Over the weeks, I've started to feel some of my anxieties diminish as well. I think it's working...

Jacob has expressed that he really wants to "catch the baby." Do OBs even let husbands do that in the hospital? Does it require special skill and training? I mean, all he has to do is not drop her, right?

It honestly doesn't feel like much has changed in the past few weeks (besides the steady increase in girth). I'm still feeling pretty great—especially knowing that I only have two more days of work/commuting. If that weren't the case, I might feel differently. To say the least, I'm a little exhausted of being the "pregnant girl" on the train, on the bus, and at work. With friends and family, at church, and even in public—it's been cool. In fact, I probably have an overly-inflated sense of self-importance and awesomeness about being the "pregnant girl." For some reason, the work and commuting scene puts me out of my comfort zone. Maybe because I'm not allowed to have food at my desk.

I have a huge list of all the things I want/need to do before this baby comes, and plan to use my 4-6 (possibly 8) weeks off of work to get 'em done. The list has become rather extensive, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to complete all of my tasks.

The first thing I plan to do? Sit in a tree and snipe all the slackliners at Kiwanis Park. Okay. Obviously some of these tasks are more serious than others. But honestly. Can you think of anything better than an 8-month pregnant woman in a tree shooting a bunch of hipster/rock-climber/zoobies with a sling-shot (or some kind of harmless weapon) as they attempt to tightrope between trees?

I, for one, cannot.

Magic Song: TEDDY BOY

I plan on singing this to baby someday soon...

"Teddy Boy," Paul McCartney

Baby don't worry your mommy is here

takin' good care of you-ooo-ooo!

TOMORROW

The girl scouts are coming to sell their bounty!

awwww yeah!

A few incheresting facts:

+ Ever since my mom served up some Samoas and Thin Mints at my baby shower in AZ last month (it was girl scout season there), I have been daydreaming about these babies CONSTANTLY. I've even had "GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!!" marked on my google calendar for weeks. I hardly even use that calendar... until now.

+ I also daydream about ALL the sweets imaginable ALL THE TIME. This is not normal for non-pregnant Holli, but a daily indulgence for pregnant Holli. Is this what an addict feels like?

+ After seeing Wreck-it Ralph last weekend, I've been thinking about that candy land from the "Sugar Rush" game a lot.  Like, thinking about living there. And changing my name to Vanellope.

+ Delicious foods that Jacob made this week: hummus from scratch, chocolate cake with buttercream frosting from scratch, navajo tacos (i kinda helped with this one), chicken bbq wraps with bacon, my breakfast every morning, etc.  Delicious foods that Holli made this week: ehhhh....?? Ok. To give myself a little credit, I did make a pretty good lasagna on Sunday—but that's basically it. Jacob wins. He's been winning a lot lately.

+ We are attending a birth film event on Friday. Before pregnancy, this is not something I would have foreseen us doing on a Friday night—or ever. We're totally immersing ourselves into this birthing subculture.

+ I hear a lot of complaints from pregnant women about not being able to sleep at night. Surprisingly, I've been sleeping like a rock. I pretty much wake up each morning in the exact same position I fell asleep in. The only thing disturbing my slumber as of late is Jacob's sleep-talking in the middle of the night—"WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!? WHO ARE THEY!?" It's actually kinda freaky.

+ They say you have vivid dreams when you're pregnant. Mine have been so goofy. Just in the past week I've had dreams of being chased by a motorcycle gang (the Hell's Angels variety), being in a 90s rap group very much like the Beastie Boys, and two consecutive nights of saving kittens from various perils. RANDOOOOOM!

+ One thing I can complain about is that my body feels much more achey and weary than it did a few weeks ago. Sometimes I'm like, Dude. It feels like I spent all of yesterday running around, riding all the rides at Disneyland! But then I remember that I didn't. I'm just sore and tired. And that's depressing.

+ Along that line of thought, here's a scale describing my feelings about general pregnancy restrictions: Not being able to eat sushi = SAD. No hot-tubbing/jacuzzis = MORE SAD. Not being able to do those two things at the same time = MOST SAD. Knowing that if I were to go to Disneyland, I probably wouldn't be able to ride all the rides = MOSTEST SAD.

+ I can't even express how excited I am to be done commuting after next Friday. A few weeks ago, UTA changed all the train schedules so that they would be "more efficient." Well, the only difference I've observed is that we leave ten minutes earlier, but I get to work at the EXACT SAME TIME. In the afternoon, we leave one minute later, but I somehow get home TEN MINUTES LATER. Really, UTA? Efficient? Get reeeeaaal.

+ This guy got another acceptance letter for grad school yesterday:

Jacob—not the puppy (though it would be really cute if a puppy got accepted into grad school for engineering). 

This wasn't exactly an acceptance that we were forecasting. Suddenly we're thinking about the possibility of moving out-of-state? What!? That's crazy! Ok. I really have no idea what's going to happen yet. All I know is that I'm very very proud of Jacob—he's a champ—and feel excited about the monumental changes that are coming our way.

Magic Song: AQUARIUS/LET THE SUNSHINE IN

Do you hear that sound?

melt melt melt melt

drip drip drip

melt melt

drip!

That is the sound of Winter DYING!!!

It's a gorgeous thing.

Kinda makes me want to break into this song...

Not that I actually have a list—but this has to be one of my top 10 favorite songs EVER.

One of the things I look for in a song are excellent changes, and this one might have the best change I've ever heard.

It just turns right over and gets irresistibly groovy.

Like winter to spring—it changes so good.

LET THE SUNSHINE IN!

p.s.

that bass-line in the outro makes my heart go thump!

sooo many things to love in this song.

maternity overalls

Jacob thinks I could pull these off.

I think if you ever see me wearing maternity overalls you'll know when I've truly given up.

Because anyone over the age of 10 who still wears overalls has probably given up a little— 

or they're just too hip to function.

e.g. the above hot british model, who i have a very hard time believing is actually pregnant cuz there's no way a real pregnant woman could look that good in overalls,
i.e.  there has to be a negative correlation here—
viz. the hotter you look in these overalls, the less possible it is for you to be a pregnant person. 
okay enough latin abbreviations, etc.

31 weeks

The book I'm reading encourages mothers to talk and sing to their babies in the womb. I'm thinkin' this is to encourage prenatal bonding and also to get babies used to the sound of their mother's voice. She can hear me, after all! This practice doesn't come natural to me, but after realizing how quiet I must be throughout most of my day (my job usually doesn't require me to talk to many people at all) I began to worry that she isn't hearing my voice enough. Therefore, me and baby have been having more conversations lately, and it's been nice.

A few days ago, I asked baby if she likes the name we picked out for her, and she gave me two energetic kicks. I'll take that as a yes. Maybe it's in my head, but sometimes I think she really does become more active in there when we talk and "play" with her—playing mostly involves Jacob rubbing, tickling, and kissing my belly. He's really good at this prenatal bonding stuff, by the way. And it's cute.

People have started asking me if I feel "done" with being pregnant yet. I hope this doesn't mean that I look miserable because I really don't feel that way at all! I'm happy to have baby where she is, safely nestled in my belly, and really don't feel one bit motivated/ready to get her out. I know those feelings will change in the coming weeks—and I think they're meant to—but as of right now, I'm just in my "fat n' happy" stage, I suppose.

I'll tell you what I am "done" with though. I am done with WORK. I am done with COMMUTING. (just three more weeks!) I am done with WINTER. As of right now, those three things are sooo much more annoying than being pregnant.

I mean, it's kinda fun to squeeze into your fancy, feathery, winter formal dress from high school and pretend you're a pregnant celebrity...

right?

Oscars party last night. Totally stole this from alex's instagram, by the way.

Scenes from Valentine's

Valentine's Day was pitch-perfect.

Here's how we celebrated...

I got up extra early to make Jacob a Valentine's breakfast of pink heart-shaped pancakes with buttermilk syrup and bacon. If anything can make Jacob happy it's bacon. Usually we are rushing early in the morning, and I have to eat a quick bowl of oatmeal in the car on the way to the train station. It was special for us to actually sit down together for a sweet Valentine's breakfast.

Maybe you noticed the jar of Tostito's nacho cheese on the table as well? That was one of Jacob's Valentine's presents. I'm a mean wife and never let him buy it—so I thought it would be a good way to show my love. Forget about candy. It's bacon and nacho cheese for my man.

The valentine I made for Jacob—we really like pugs.

For dinner we went to Maria Bonita's, our favorite Mexican restaurant.

Maria, the owner of the restaurant, greeted us when we came in—she remembers us because we gave her a picture of us dining there the night we got engaged. She about exploded with happiness when she saw my baby bump. So happy that she kissed it! Surprisingly, I was okay with this.

Valentine's is CRAZY, by the way. The last two years, we "ate-in" for our Valentine's and so we didn't realize how packed the restaurant would be. We had to wait a bit to be seated and to get our food, but it was so worth it. Delicioso.

Jacob kept reminding me that we needed to be back by 8:30 for my "surprise." We rushed home after dinner, but there was no surprise to be found. I heard Jacob suspiciously talking on the phone with someone in the other room. He returned and informed me that the surprise was running a little late. Therefore, we should go out and get some dessert. Fine by me!

I decided that a raspberry + brownie milkshake from Sammy's sounded divine. I was afraid that the place would be insanely crowded on Valentine's—because Sammy's is ALWAYS crowded. To our surprise, the place was almost empty. I guess it's not a very fancy joint if you're trying to "woo" your woman or whatever. But the milkshakes are top-notch.

We headed back home, and after waiting just a little bit longer—look who showed up at our doorstep! A little lab puppy named Dexter! (This also just happens to be the name of my favorite childhood dog)

I was so giddy and speechless when I saw little Dexter running around the house. Turns out, there's a "Puppy Rental" service now operating in Provo, and Jacob had "rented" this lil' buddy for us to play with for an hour. BEST SURPRISE EVER!

squishy face Dexter

Dexter had us laughing all night. He was the perfect puppy. Playful, rambunctious, and adorable. In fact, he was having so much fun playing and exploring that it was hard to get good pictures of him!

After a good forty-five minutes of rambunctious play-time, the cutest thing happens. Dexter suddenly pounces on Jacob's belly, nestles in his arms... and then quickly falls asleep. Puppy cuddle-time. Jacob and I were in HEAVEN.

At this point I think Jacob says, "See I'm gonna be a good dad!"

We took turns holding and cuddling with this pooped puppy, who continued to sleep until his caretaker came to pick him up. I was so sad when I heard that knock on the door. Can I have just 5 more minutes? Pleeeaasse? I wasn't ready to let my snuggle-baby go!

Here's a cute video we took of Dexter copying Jacob's "head tilts." He was doing it for so much longer. I just caught the very end of it. SO ADORABLE.

Delicious food. Adorable puppy. A loving husband.

A perfect recipe for a perfect Valentine's.

Love you, Jacob!

p.s.

If you were wondering why Dexter arrived so late, it's actually a funny story. Apparently one of the puppies (not sure if it was Dexter) accidentally locked the keys and THE PUPPIES in the car while the caretaker was doing something outside. I guess he used his little paw to push the lock down. Pretty hilarious.

30 weeks

I finally made it to my 30's, and i'm lovin it.

Thirty, flirty, and thriving—ok, not so flirty, but check out this glorious girth that keeps on growin.

I'm, like, really really pregnant now.

A few facts about me and baby, as of late:

We took a trip to Arizona last weekend for a baby shower and got tons of BABY MERCH! It was so fun to finally get a bunch of little girl clothes. So many onesies! So much PINK! My heart was exploding.

While in AZ, I got to attend and sing at this lady's homecoming. I also had the honor of singing at her farewell 18 months ago—at which time, she told me that I was invited to sing again when she got home, but I would have to bring "my child" with me. We laughed about it then. After all, I wasn't even married yet. But wow. Pretty prophetic.

We love broccoli and leafy green vegetables. Yes, I'm serious. Especially raw broccoli. But hey, healthy cravings are cool because you don't have to fight them! Eat all the broccoli I can handle = NO GUILT. However, my unrestrained appetite at my work's Cookie Bake-off Social last week = SO MUCH GUILT.

Pants with zippers feel like a distant memory. Very distant. No complaints though. With a big, elastic band around my waist—I've got no problems.

Along those lines, the fun part about turning into a big mama is having to get new clothes! Cuz yeah, what else can I do? This baby (my belly) ain't getting any smaller. And to my joy and surprise, there's actually some cute maternity-wear out there.

By the way, any idea where I can get some maternity tights? Cuz the thing about tights is that they're tight. 

I have come to realize that when someone says that you're "all belly," they mean that as a compliment—I think. Still not entirely sure.

We love cheesey, prenatal yoga videos—like this one.

Jacob and I started our hypnobirthing class, and it has been cool. I'm already feeling more confident about this birthin' business. And the relaxtion CD that I'm supposed to listen to every day is pretty dreamy. Like... it puts me to sleep so fast.

Relaxation tracks + bubble bath = transcendent, prenatal spa day for Holli.

I only work for FOUR MORE WEEKS. Meaning, I only commute for FOUR MORE WEEKS. I forecast some pleasant changes in my life. Big changes too. Kinda crazy to think about.

I'm pretty sure I almost passed out on the Frontrunner last week, and continue to have uncomfortable, dizzy spells almost every morning while I ride. I think my big belly is cutting off my circulation. Starting today, I am careful to stand up and stretch my legs when I feel a spell coming on. It helped.

CHARLEY HORSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!! How does something so painful have such a cute name and bring THIS IMAGE to mind?!?

I'm pretty sure that I slept through the entire duration of sacrament meeting on Sunday. And yeah... we have one o'clock church now. I justify my behavior with this attitude: I'M PREGNANT. I DO WHAT I WANT. Deal with it.

The physical/mental/spiritual/emotional preparations have begun to welcome this baby girl into our lives, and we are so so excited.

Puppy Love

I got to play with this lil' baby last night.

Best Valentine's surprise EVER.

Day of Love

You guys, I'm really in love with my husband.

The last 21/2 years of dating + marriage have been the best, most blissful times of my life.

I suppose we are still young in our love and our marriage, but we're growing together, 

and (so far) this journey has made us two very happy, content people.

I'd like to think that Jacob and I have something special together. 

And really, I believe that we do. 

But I also know that there's a world of couples out there who (in their own way) have what we have,

who love each other just like we do.

And that makes me happy too.

Ok. Enough of the mushy stuff. 

I hope everyone has a lovely day and eats lots of chocolate in various forms.

I know me and baby will.
I love you all!
 

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Magic Song: HOT KNIFE

"hot knife," fiona apple

3D Baby

Last night, (as part of the Numom2b study that we participated in) we got a free 3D ultrasound of our baby girl. Sometimes I think the 3D looks a little creepy—like a little baby clay monster. But I admit, as soon as we saw those cheeks and lips, we were completely charmed. Obviously, there's some distortion due to movement and whatever else is floating around in there, but isn't it so cool that they can take pics like this? IT'S OUR BABY'S FACE!

that's a little hand caressing the side of her face

After taking some measurements, the nurse told me that she is about 3.5 lbs. Wow. According to what I've been reading, babies are usually around 2.5 lbs at this stage of development. "A little bit on the bigger side," as the nurse put it.

I hope this means she'll come a little earlier than the proposed due date, but it might just mean that she'll be a big baby like her mama was.

So close, but yet so far. Can't I just have my baby NOW?

28 weeks

My first week into the third trimester was a success. I'm feeling happy, energized, and ultra-womanly. Going for the "fertility goddess" look, not achieving it, but feeling womanly nonetheless.

I tend to freak-out a little when I remember that my belly still has a few months to grow even bigger than it already is. But hey, this thing ain't over until the fat lady screams, right? 

There are times when I feel like a second-class citizen in my own body; at the same time, I enjoy feeling so physically in-tune. Every day is a conversation with my body, and I find all the changes, sensations, kicks, cravings, and even the new aches and pains pretty fascinating. It's not always a cakewalk, but I love sharing my body with Baby. Even more, I love assuring Jacob that Baby "told me" she wanted a spoonful of Nutella. Call it the mysterious maternal bond—I know what she likes.

I can honestly say that (so far) I've enjoyed being pregnant. I'm sure there are women out there who will want to smack me just for saying that, but I mean it. Yes, there have been days that were emotionally and physically overwhelming, but the good days have both outnumbered and out-shined them.

Before pregnancy, I expected (and dreaded) that there would be more miseries than joys, and have been pleasantly surprised to find the opposite. Lots of joys mingled with a few endurable miseries.

Of course, I hear the hardest days are still ahead of me... I better not speak too soon.